Elton John, Krispy Kreme and a Visit to the Eye Doctor

Wade and I had a BUSY weekend this past weekend.  I was starting to feel kind of yuck Friday night.  I thought it was just Fall allergies with all the new grasses blooming.  Sunday at church is when I started to feel really bad.  I went home, took a two hour nap, when BACK to church for a dinner/meeting then came home and crashed at 8:30.  I took some night time cold pills Sunday and Monday because I was running a fever.  I don't take that kind of stuff normally, so when I do, I can have some crazy side effects!

Sunday night I had a dream that I was on the bow of a cruise ship and the cruise ship started to fall over!  I was holding on to some wire for dear life.  I am assuming the cruise ship port was in Beaufort, South Carolina because the next thing I know, my Dad was applying for a job at Krispy Kreme to be their doughnut maker, but ended up landing a job as their actuary.... he was thrilled.  WEIRD!

Last night I had a dream that Wade and I went to the farmers market in Atlanta, but some how ended up on the Gaza Strip, which was in the middle of Texas.  We had no idea how we were going to get out of there amidst all the gun fine.  Never fear!  Elton John came to rescue us.  He was all decking out in his Elton John Crocodile Rock-esque gear and got us safety back across the border.  Don't ask me.  I have no idea...

Yesterday I came to work and just felt awful.  I had an eye doctor appointment mid-day, so my plan was to get to that appointment and then head home and sleep this nasty cold off.  After two hours in the waiting room, I finally got to see the eye doctor.  I have two stories to share about him.

1. When I had PRK surgery last year, I was very nervous about all kinds of things this nervous girl gets nervous about; going blind, losing and eye and so on.  The doctor convinced me to not take any nerve or pain pills and to just undergo the surgery "naturally".  Oh boy.  I agreed.  I didn't take any pain pills or any anxiety medicine and just went for it.  He numbed my eyes and then started to laser away.  Halfway through the first eye, my head go the best of me and I started to feel pretty faint.  I told the doctor.  He calmly said for me to repeat something calming in my head.  So I did.  He asked what it was, I told him I was singing "The Lord is My Shepherd" in my head that I used to sing as a kid.  He started talking about how he loves that passage and said, "Let's just stop right now and pray".  In short, he prayed that the Lord guide his hands and to calm my nerves.  It was almost instant that I felt a wave of warmth and calmness.  I went for my annual follow up and he said I have no evidence of scar tissue from the surgery, my eyes are still 20/20.  It was great.  Lead into story two....

2. Yesterday he asked me how the kid journey was going for the Kays'.  I was not able to get pregnant for 6 weeks post my eye surgery last year because something about the hormones could mess with the results.  We got pregnant 8 weeks post surgery.  I told him that and simply said it ended in miscarriage a couple of days before Christmas.  He got teary and said he hates to hear about stuff like that happening to young couples (he is in his mid 40's).  He then went on to explain his story with he and his wife and their difficult to conceive and about his best friend in Louisiana who tried everything science could offer with no results.  His friends wife went to a faith healer (Benny Hinn).  She didn't fill out a prayer request card, she just began to walk up to the stage.  Before she could reach the stage, Benny Hinn pointed to her and said "You will have a son and his name will be Joshua".  She now has a 10 year old son named Joshua and an 8 year old son, Max.  At this point my eye doctor is all choked up, tears welling in his eyes, has to stop talking he is so moved.  Then I started to get emotional with  my blurry dialated eyes, and we both have to take a moment with a tissue to wipe the tears away.  He said "my point is if this is what you want you have to try everything spiritually and scientifically.  Explore every option!"

He then started to talk about a book that he couldn't remember the name but thought it was something like "Fruit of the Vine".  This book talks about how if you aren't where you desire and you are walking the straight path, then you have to trust that God is "pruning" you for what is ahead and you have to have faith in that so you can reach what he has prepared for you.  He then went on to say that Wade and I have to trust that God knew what he was doing with our little baby and possibly saved us or the child from something far worse in the future.

He gathered himself together at this point and went on say "now this was a weird eye doctor appointment for you wasn't it".  I said "No, God puts things in your life at the right time and place for a reason, and that includes conversations".

Refreshing moment as we are "resetting" on our journey.

I hope to kick this nasty cold outta here and continue to focus on the "pruning".  With pruning there are happy, sad and vulnerable moments.  There are moments of growth and blooming and moments where things are dormant.   There are times that are for fertilizing and planting and other times for weeding.  All of these are a part of the journey and all are important.  I can tell I am in my "weeding" phase now moving towards tilling the land. I went wayyyy off on that analogy, but it is a good one for sure!

Infertility is a painful journey and if it isn't talked about in all of it's pruning phases it will never be understood.  It is like when you are organizing your house.  You have to make a bigger mess so you can see what all is there, weed out the junk and clean your house back up!  Grief is just like that.  You have to move through it, not around it.  We all move through it in different ways.  I am thankful that I go to such a great doctor who gave me something more to think about as we progress... not digress.