Thankful Thessalonians

Group Hug!

Thanksgiving is finally here upon us whether we like it or not.  Several years ago, I wrote an article for a local newspaper called The Locomotive of Holiday Change (the text of the article is at the bottom of this post).  How easy it is for me to know exactly what to say to help people though their grief and how hard that can be for me to apply.  Isn't that the way it works?

This locomotive I am on has been prayed for a lot during the days leading up to Thanksgiving by me and others in my life.  The prayers have certainly carried me through and lifted me up as I continue to sort thorough my circumstances.

This is not the story I wrote for my life, but it is what God has given to me so I have to be grateful for that.  His plan is better than any plan I have!  I have noticed a shift in my thinking the past couple of weeks that has to be a direct result of processing my grief and the prayers of others.  I actually said to myself a week or so ago "Come on, Erin, you need to be grateful that you even had the opportunity to be pregnant, even if it was for just a short time". 

The other night when we were getting ready for bed, I rattled off this list to Wade of everything I am thankful for and grateful for in my life.  I am sure I left a lot of things out, but I also listed quite a few things. 

I am of course still sad and feel tugs on my heart about little baby Kay.  Thanksgiving is when we announced to everyone.  Those tugs on my heart remind me that I am human, and there is something bigger and greater than me taking care of me, that my story is not done, and because of my faith and remembering I am human, I will get to spend eternity with my baby and all of my friends and loved ones.  This blink of an eye I have on this earth is nothing compared to eternity.  Baby Kay in heaven reminds me to keep my faith and to keep it strong so our family can be together again.  I have stored one of my precious treasures in heaven.

Just because of my circumstances doesn't mean I can't be happy for others (even though it does tug a little).

I am thankful this Thanksgiving for many things.  At the top of my list is my faith and country, my husband, the opportunity to be pregnant and the faith my baby brings to me, and my true friends and family.... oh - can't for get the puppies!

I hope this Thanksgiving you to remember the things that mean the most to you in your circumstances.  Remember what we are told in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18:

I know I am thankful for the blessings I have - and one blessing I count, that not every parent has, is a baby in heaven with Christ Jesus, which reminds me of the importance of my faith, and how deeply I am loved by God.

The Locomotive of Holiday Change

Erin Brannon Kay, LMSW, ACHP-SW

Columbia, South Carolina

Before the days of Summer have concluded, we begin to see muted flashes of holiday decorations arriving in our favorite stores. By the end of October, we see the potpourri of the Holidays in more and more locations. By Thanksgiving, the radio stations are playing tunes of the Holidays, as our television sets flicker with the ‘must have’ toys for the holiday season, serving as a constant reminder of the coming days, and weeks ahead. The media and our society masks indications that their messages of Happy Holidays full of cheer and laughter neglect those of us who have experienced significant losses in our lives and aren’t sure how to cope with the fast moving, unstoppable locomotive of the memories of holidays past. So how do we cope? What do we do during this emotionally overwhelming time of year? Below are some tips that hopefully will make the Holidays easier for you during your bereavement journey.

• Plan ahead and be prepared. The more you prepare the less chance you will be blindsided by something difficult this holiday season.
• Attempt to stay on a regular schedule. As hard as this can be when we are feeling sad, it is very important to keep your schedule as routine as you can. 
•  Be aware of what you eat and drink. What we put into our bodies directly affects how we feel.
• Don’t isolate yourself, but know when to take time for yourself. Know that it is ok to say "no"
• Give yourself permission to change traditions. As hard as this can be to think about, it can be very healing once put into action.
• Heartaches will come – but remember tears can be a healing gift. Expect to have some pain.
• Talk about your feelings with the ones who you think will really listen and offer compassion.
• Incorporate the ones you care about into your journey and new traditions. Share your favorite stories with them.
• Make a toast or light a candle
• Make a special ornament in honor of your loved one, or a personalized PowerPoint presentation to share with loved ones.
• Make a donation in your loved ones name to their favorite charity.
• Help others. Volunteering during this new chapter in your life can provide meaningful experiences and memories to the holidays.
• Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
• Prepare yourself for January when the decorations are put away, stores go back to ‘normal’ and life moves forward. The ‘holiday blues’ usually hit full force in January.
• Be gentle with yourself.
• R-E-S-T:
• Reasonable expectations and goals.  Be realistic about what you cannot do.  Get plenty of rest.
• Exercise Daily.  Taking a brisk walk everyday is a great way to clear your head and to aid in the release of endorphins, which are proven to be positive mood inhibitors.  Eat in drink in moderation.  Enjoy free activities.
• Simplfy to relieve stress.  Set a budget for social activities.  Simple gifts and still bring happiness.
• Time to relax and remember - Spend time with caring, supportive people.  Keep in mind that traditions CAN be changed!